2–3 minutes
Is the narrative your mind is pushing at any particular moment undermining your relationship with reality? That’s when your mind isn’t being your friend.
Here are 10 common examples of unfriendly narratives, followed with a more amiable alternative:
- “This should not be happening!” (ontological* denial)
- “Okay, this is happening. How do I best cope?”
- “I know that what I’m about to do is wrong — but I don’t care.” (preemptive self-pardoning)
- “I know that what I’m about to do is wrong — so I won’t do it.”
- “My theory is correct — and my belief that it’s correct is proof enough.” (ontological arrogance)
- “My theory just might be correct — so long as I’ve sought and acknowledged any evidence that it isn’t.”
- “I’m not poor — and I’ll keep spending money to prove it.” (heuristic hole-digging)
- “I’m rich enough — and I don’t need to spend money to prove it. In fact I’ll be richer for it.”
- “I don’t have a drinking problem. Alcohol’s my buddy — we have such a good time and do great things together.” (cerebral treachery)
- “Hmmm. It seems alcohol has the more dominant personality. And if it’s going to be an asshole, maybe I shouldn’t invite into my head and make my choices for me.”
- “I like gambling — it’s a way of expressing my hopefulness.” (ontological hazarding)
- “Gambling can be fun — if I can afford it — so long as I ignore the fact that my hopefulness being rewarded exactly matches my probability of winning. And the higher my chance of winning, the less of a gamble it is. So gambling is actually spending on my likelihood of being a loser — which can get very expensive.”
- “I’m angry! And it’s justified by how I feel!” (affective self-licensing)
- “Yeah I’m angry — but as usual it’s too late to have prevented the infuriating thing. And what’s the use of being angry about that? sigh I could be more proactive in healing the things that make me mad.”
- “So and so is being a judgmental unsympathetic moron!” (unacknowledged projection)
- “Oh dear. So and so is in the grip of a refractory mind state. I know what that’s like — and that some nonjudgmental sympathy would help.”
- “Am I depressed? Oh well, it doesn’t matter anyway.” (ontological apathy)
- “Am I depressed? Yes — it seems my opaque self-absorption has been eclipsing the light of my fundamental being. Better that I focus on the miracle of my existence — more gratitude and enthusiasm for it will follow.”
- “I’m unhappy — and I don’t like it.” (eudaemonic scuttling (sinking one’s own happiness))
- “I’m unhappy — an excellent indication that I should cultivate a friendlier mind.”
* ontological: (as used here) relating to one’s mental framing of existence (meta-reality); relevant to one’s mindset or worldview